Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
