we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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