evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think my moral compass just broke
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
