i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
