so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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