No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
there is puke in my bra ... again
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