that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
