Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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