Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
