you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it's like iHOP with fire
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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