"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
