Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
