I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My vagina is officially offended.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
