you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
