Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
