I smell stomach acid.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Pants are for mortals
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
