Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
