i was born a porn star she said
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
