I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
