How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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