Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
