So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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