You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
