my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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