I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
