Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
