Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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