it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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