She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
