I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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