I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
