Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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