evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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