Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
