yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
