when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
