That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
