I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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