Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
