Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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