I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
