Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
