Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
