Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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