You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
