I love black thongs
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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