Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
