wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just sent this text using only my big toe
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
