My underwear smells like fireworks.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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