I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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