The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
