She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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